Good morning dear world!
I hesitated a long time about how to introduce myself or if I should even do it at all. One side of me wanted to be true and authentic; the other was concerned about reputation and the business: cautious about what I should say that could put off potential customers because, after all, I was coming to social networking for a hidden agenda.
The original intention was partly to promote my professional work as a coach and seminar facilitator but also – and mainly – to start testing the material I was preparing for a service project that is dear to my heart and that I had been pushing since a few years: the SEEDS for Change programme.
Meeting people and engaging into meaningful conversations was not my priority: there were already too many of them around stealing the time I needed for my work! At least this is what I was thinking at the time … until I started meeting them … and, like it always happens, felt grateful for being introduced to yet another pool of authenticity, experience and beauty and talent and creativity.
I hesitated … thought … felt … turned it around in my mind … postponed it … dropped it … took it back …. slept on it … sat on it and with it …. but always, it would come back with the insistence of a mother cat looking for shelter … so I had to surrender, give way and accept to jeopardize my reputation … once more – but wasn’t it what I teach after all (not to jeopardize your reputation but to be who you are)?
So I decided.
~ . ~
Frederic is a kindred and independent spirit manifesting through multifaceted personalities all living together under the same roof with reasonable understanding, harmony, synergy, love, creativity and fun.
That is for ‘I’. Now what about ‘me’?
An angel of a child born in Paris, gracefully grown under West African skies in swimming pools, tennis clubs and comic books ~ a defiant rebel shocked by the Western materialistic, consumerist and colonialist worldview ~ encountered his life partner in Paris at 21 and traveled through more or less all the possible combinations of psycho-emotional states together to finally reach a place ,30 years later, of genuine understanding, acceptance and a reasonable approximation of that wonder we call love ~ introduced to real life in Marseille at 23 ~ touched by warmth, spirit and depth in Istanbul ten years later ~ educated to ‘mind your own business’, think and make decisions in a spiritual community in Oxford ~ emotionally healed and forever reconciled with humanity in Ha Noi ~ now living, or should I say ‘being’, in India ~ a life traveler who went through two deaths and three lives on four continents although he spends most of his time inside ~ ten years meditating and living a very busy monastic life ~ ten years sharing for free what he had discovered ~ consequently lived most of his life without money and met extraordinarily lovely ordinary people all along the way. Period.
~ . ~
Now those ‘personalities’ I live with. Would you like to meet the main ones?
Here is Atman – the dignified and unconquered loner who dwells in secrecy beyond the reach of the world; a poet; kind, gentle and softly spoken, a traveler of inner landscapes and a mechanic of the soul; a diamond like integrity who doesn’t know how to spell the word compromise; brushes aside achievements and popularity with the back of the hand; owns nothing, needs no one; all in the here, now, “I’.
Then we have Swamiji or Thay Frederic as he used to be called in Viet Nam – the loving, warm, wise and wonderful mother like guru-friend-teacher-guide who keeps home, heart and treasure store open to co-seekers regardless of class, race, cast, age, status – and whether they drop a note in the donation box or not! A comforting tree to sit close to.
This is iLight – the talkative one – the explorer; the connector; the communicator; the lover of beauty, meaning and wonder – a restless source of curiosity, insights, enthusiasm and creativity living between a classroom and a laptop; serious in learning; greedy for being heard, understood and loved but honest enough to know it will never happen and yet committed to provide the best possible approximation of true love in return for someone’s gift of attention!
Vijayanti – the victorious one; an unpredicted version of King Aragorn, Mr Frodo and Gandalf all rolled in one; a king in exile missionned by destiny to eradicate sorrow, hopelessness, ignorance and non-sense – and meant to do it with heart and soul; the stubborn heart of a conqueror who doesn’t want to claim a throne but knows without knowing why that victory is unavoidable; cultivates dreams of glory, of a time when the world will be ruled by love, intelligence, authenticity and joy – and probably won’t give up until we’re there!
The next one is Shaoshivaleen, he is the twin brother of Vijayanti and his protector in many ways – a martial meditator and freelance warrior monk feeding on sprouted wheat bread, fruits, nuts and rotis (google or contact us for meaning); a laughing, dancing rishi who can strike with yogic precision and unbounded compassion – when needed; undoubtfully convinced he can change the world with a condensed stream of focused thought-energy emerging from the heart of light inside the soul; a true brother.
And the last one, the little one messing around between everyone’s legs, is Mr Happy, the child; he is 50+ and still innocent, young, carefree, playful and … yes, so naughty at times.
Here we are. This is all ‘I’ know of ‘me’ at this stage – or maybe is it just what I wish/dream I could be, or just effluent imaginations forged by an overactive heart … I do not know. Life will decide.
You may think that it all sounds a bit like the Fellowship of the Ring and yes, it does. I think this is why Tolkien so much impressed our consciousness: he described the key archetypes operating inside our consciousness. He also showed us that, when they are motivated by a unifying sense of purpose and mission, all the different parts and dimensions of our being can come together and re-conquer the kingdom that was once lost.
And yes, there is a battle raging on the outside as well as on the inside. The outside one is against all the forces that seek to conquer our mind; the other is about re-asserting self-mastery.
Anyway, I am sure you understand now why I got into self-awareness…
~ . ~
~ . ~
I am sure there is much more to know, including some divine, enlightened and all-powerful parts living in higher dimensions but, to this day, I have not stayed there long enough to make them mine. It will come, I remember it and I have also read it somewhere although I seldom read more than one or two pages at a time so much does it excite my brain cells and start moving things inside mind and heart!
And oh! Did I mention about my friendship with God? It is something I am a bit shy to declare publicly but it is also very hard to hide. I hope you will not mind and it will not create a feeling of embarrassment between us. It came on me like a life-giving rain falling on dry land, like a merciless mirror in a mind populated by shadows and dreams; like a deep, irresistible, affectionate bloom in the heart; like the long-awaited Beloved.
I was not looking for it. I never went to church or temples or mosques apart from purely aesthetic, cultural or spiritual reasons and I am very cautious about organized religions or anything that looks like an elite ‘club’ whatever the label of that club may be. It just came, probably because something deeper that what I know about myself was calling for Him or should I also say ‘Her’? And when it came, it changed everything, forever.
When I ask myself why I still love this incorporeal Presence of Light and Pure Consciousness despite all the demands He/She makes on me, I find that ultimately, it is because This Is THE Force that can erase the sorrow and the pain of the human heart, of nature. I have looked around quite a bit and it seems obvious that, from what we now know from history, spirituality, psychology, quantum physics, etc, nothing other than Consciousness can bring transformation – personal, social, etc – and move us toward peace and love and happiness. He/She is the Essence of Consciousness and this consciousness is currently exclusively focused on helping us make the shift – how could I not give a hand?
Another compelling reason is, to me, His/Her extraordinary humility. We are conditioned to see God as a great almighty power that can do, undo or redo more or less whatever He/She wants and this is why many of us who claim to be intelligent have turned the backs of our minds away from that Great Presence. But this is not so. There is power of course but this is authentic power: the expression of an absolute Awareness free of the blind corners ego or form bring and therefore exclusively rooted in Benevolence; it is a total Freedom of being and therefore an eternal youthfulness that knows all but doesn’t pay attention to it – and yes, I said Being: there is a Being.
OK. Stop for now.
~ . ~
Thanks wordpress for providing a seemingly safe space where I could conduct this perilous experiment; gratitude to Sharon, first online true friend for her authentic supportive heart and genuinely appreciative eye; regard to Mario for the example of the type of content I wanted to share; and yes dear Soma, I can also hear God laughing his heart out!
* ~ A draft of an angel.
~ . ~